so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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