all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
