like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
