I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Randomize
