We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
