If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
barbara walters just said penis...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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