ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
