He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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