Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
