am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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