This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
