Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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