If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
do nipples grow back?
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