It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
