You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
