if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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