so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
