I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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