I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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