Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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