U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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