Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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