I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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