Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
