Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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