he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He felt like a one man threesome
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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