rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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