My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize