I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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