The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
