uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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