the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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