Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
