You're my little dorito
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
