Where is the hickey?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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