the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
