remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize