so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dicks are not precious.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
