The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She's the barista slut.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can I color on your dick again?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
