ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
