Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
