I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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