You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
