five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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