i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
