Don't make out with my wife yet
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
