I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
