This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
