I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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