A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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