There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
