I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
