If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
