Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I had to cum in my sink.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
