Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
