Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
