she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
