she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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