thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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