Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
