dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
