The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
