I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
