Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
