So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
