It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
