I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
