I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
