It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize