That's when you crack a 10am beer
love makes seman taste better
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
