She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
