break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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