its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That accounts for only three of the penises
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
