I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
COCAINE IS GR8
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize