Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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