I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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