Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
