Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
