What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
