Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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