I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
