listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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