I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
