Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
