Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
