Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
