I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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