Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
