Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
