You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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