Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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