no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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