I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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