she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
