I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We talked him into tasing himself.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
