I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
