He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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