Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
