WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
