I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Randomize
