idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
