Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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