She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
